For the last three or four days I have sat down to write a blog post. And I get about halfway through and then stop. So here is what I have.
What do Penguins say?
The inquisitive mind of an almost 3 year old. And this one stumped me. Most of the time I can figure out something to say. But to answer, What do penguins say? I have no idea. So we googled it.
And you know what a penguin says? Exactly. Google doesn't either! At least as far as I could see. Well they squeak, but is that really a saying? A pig says "oink", a cow says "moo", a lion "ROARS". But a penguin?
Drinking in the corner
That is going to be me one of these days. I will also be the one sucking my thumb and rocking back and forth.
This is all about sleep. My pregnancy with Levi not only messed up my body, but it screwed up my older son's sleep pattern. I was tired. Not your run of the mill pregnancy tired, but like if I didn't nap then I got sick or dizzy. Also, for the first trimester, I worked. Jacob has always been a good sleeper. Before I went and got knocked up again, he was an 8-8 kind of kid.
Heaven is Beautiful
This is not going to be an easy post. You should know that now, so you can stop reading.
Early this morning, Heaven gained another beautiful angel. Why? We may never know. Someone I know who has offered me support and a listening ear when I needed it, gave birth to a beautiful little boy. He was so wonderful that God just couldn't part with him. This family now has their own very special angel in Heaven. This however does not make their loss any easier to bear (bare.. whatever).
I am selfish. More so than I wish I was. Jess and I tried to add another child to our family for several months. I pretty much had given up and was ok (not really) with just having one child. Then just a few days before Thanksgiving I pee'd on that magical stick and it came back with PREGNANT! I promised to wait and tell my parents on Thanksgiving day. Although I cheated and told my mom the next morning. I was over the moon excited! This was something we wanted and something we thought we had planned for.
Then my grandfather got sick. The day after Thanksgiving (anyone want to guess if Thanksgiving is going to be bittersweet this year?) he landed himself in the hospital. Ok.. he's elderly, these things happen. Just a few short days later he is so bad off, the family asked my mom to come down. She was told that she may not make it before he passes. 8 hours away and its the beginning of December. Mom gets there and Poppy is still hanging on. At this point Jess and I have decided that he would use his week of vacation (the same vacation he was saving to take off when the baby was born) and we all would fly down there. If not for a funeral (depressing) then at least to say our last good byes.
We flew down on a Sunday. Got to the hospital and spent three hours there. I held my Poppy's hand and told him that we were having another baby. It was just my mom, my Aunt, a cousin and myself at the hospital. My dad had taken Jess and the Big One back to my Poppy's house where we were going to be staying. 20 mins after my mom and I got back to the house, my Aunt called to let us know Poppy had passed. I was SO close to him. And even almost a year later, my heart still breaks at the loss. The funeral was held on Jacob's 2nd birthday.
I don't know if it was right after this that I started slipping into a depression or just a little bit later. My Poppy had just passed, it cost us a small fortune.
Give me that needy baby
Levi is needy. More so than Jacob. But I'll take it.
Why God? Why?
My faith is being tested right now. And nothing has happened directly to me.
With both of my boys, I sought out a group of other ladies across the country who are pregnant and due at the same time. I love getting the extra advice, the comforting ear, the shoulder to lean on. Just yesterday, one of the gals who also had her first when I had Jacob, gave birth to a beautiful little boy. Their first boy. God however, had other plans. He was born sleeping. I can't even begin to express how hard my heart aches for their family.
Now lets make it more heartbreaking. Early on in her pregnancy her husband got sick. Really sick. They found out he had a brain tumor and cancer. He then underwent brain surgery. As one can imagine, the road to recovery has been rough.