Friday, October 19, 2012

My Caesaren Sections Part 3

Levi was born at 40 weeks, at 5:49pm on Aug 1st via c/s. He was 9lbs and 21 inches. And I remember every bit of it! I got to hold him and nurse him right on the table in the OR. I felt normal. After everything, even though it was another c/s, I felt good about it.

Even he looks peaceful

Poor kid did not want to be swaddled

10 months after his birth, we find we are expecting another baby. Shoot! I wanted more time between births for the best chance at a vbac. Wait a minute, I'm trying this again? Yes. I feel like we were designed to birth babies. Modern medicine is great. I think it has its place. But babies are born no longer at home (at least not for most of them) but in hospitals. The same places that people go when they are sick or dying. Not sold on bringing new life into that kind of environment.

Last pregnancy I stressed. I worried about what I ate, how much I exercised, what position baby was in. Up until recently with this baby, I worried about who was going to deliver him. Now, its no longer something I worry about. I have stepped away from the stress, found a few amazingly supportive groups on Facebook, and am trying my hardest to put my faith in God.

After Levi was born, I tried to bleed out. Obviously I didn't, but the verse that kept coming to mind, as the nursed and OB pushed on my stomach (ouch!) was

Jeremiah 29:11

New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

God loves me. He has plans for me. In those plans, he doesn't want to hurt me. Hmmm... Would a third c/s really be the end of the world? Probably not. But I also trust in my Lord. If that is what is needed, He will make it so. 

This is where I finally feel ok. I can look at the pictures from my first son's birth and no longer cry in sorrow. I can cry now because they are the birth of my FIRST child and something to be treasured. I have found the love and support that I have needed all along. 

Labor does not scare me. I am no stranger to pain. Baby #3 and I are going to rock this birth. Together, with the love of my husband, the support of my family, and the faith I have in my Lord to do right by me.

To get the whole story check out
Part 1 
Part 2 
Unassisted Birth 

Thursday, October 18, 2012

My Caesarean Sections Part 2

Jacob was born via c/s at 10:47 am on Dec 9th, after 18 hours of labor. He was 9lbs 15oz and 21 inches long. I was labeled "small pelvis"  and "big baby". Not once in my OR report did it say "failure to progress". CPD (Cephalopelvic Disproportion) is where the baby's head and/or body is too large to fit through the mother's pelvis. True CPD is rare. Also, in true CPD the baby does not engage. Mine engaged. Had I been dilated, he would have come out that way.

After 4 years, I can finally look at this and smile

Almost 10lbs and beat up... poor kid had a rough go of it

I was so out of it, I barely remember meeting my 1st born. I know he got oxygen in the OR. But I didn't feel human until 1am the following morning. I hate that. Not to mention the side effects no one tells you about. I won't mention them here, but it wasn't until over a year after my c/s that I would truly be back to my physical self. It would take another year and birth before I was back to the old me emotionally.

We spent almost a week in the hospital, between the labor and delivery. I shuffled everywhere. I felt tore apart. I was unable to nurse him. I tried. I really did. But either he was just hungry all the time, or my milk never really came in. I vote for milk not coming in. I had NO issues not nursing him. At the time, I was totally okay with formula feeding. Thank God we got WIC, as formula for him was at least $120 a month. I still felt like I missed out on something. I had never really thought about how I would feed my child, I look back on it and while I am sad we couldn't make it work, I am pleased that I did not stress myself out trying to make it work. I wanted things to be different with the second baby.

So, I vowed my 2nd birth would be different. It was... and it wasn't. I stressed SO much about a successful vbac (vaginal birth after c section) that I didn't take care of myself. I was depressed, I was cranky, I was stressed out. Not the best way to be for baby. I didn't let go. I still held on to the fears and hurt from the first c/s. Even though I changed care providers and went with a midwife (who is amazing). Around 30 weeks, Levi was breech. I started to stress and worry even more. 36 weeks we got him head down. 37 weeks, he flipped back to breech. Now he wasn't just breech but he was a footling breech.

TO Be Continued.......

Part 1 
Part 3 
Unassisted Birth 

Monday, October 15, 2012

My Caesarean Sections Part 1

While preparing for the birth of my third child, I started to think about the births of my older two. Sure, I've talked about contractions and positioning of baby, but the thing I have not talked about is the thing that impacted me the most. My c sections. The more I talk to people, the more I read, the more I realize that I have to make sure that I have worked through any hidden issues I have from the previous two births. I can honestly say that I feel like c/s #2 was in my best interest. But it might not have been needed had I not had c/s #1.

C/s #1 - the Birth of Jacob. This is the one that I've had to work through. My anger, the hurt, and the sadness. I have also had to come to the conclusion that my OB was not there for ME. He was there for him. I labored less than 24 hours, of those my water had been broken for less than 18 hours (24 is when they start to worry about infection). Its funny, my labor was started around 11 am. Before 5pm, the OB was pushing a c/s. I wasn't progressing fast enough. Before I continue on, I feel like I need to give some background that lead to my induction.

The Friday before I had my 39 week check up. Everything was ok, but my blood pressure was a little high. Sunday comes along and while sitting on the couch I experience blurry vision. Weirdest feeling ever. Go to bed around 11pm, only to wake at 1am with a killer headache. Pop two tylenol and back to bed I go. Wake again at 4am and my headache hasn't changed. I call labor and delivery to find out if I can take something else, I just want to sleep! They ask about my BP and if my vision has been blurry. I answer to the positive on both, and am told to come in. After waking Jesse up we get there about 6am. BP is still high, I still have this headache but no protein in my urine (this is good). Around 9am, one of the OBs from my drs office comes to check on me. Now, keep in mind, I have been 80% effaced and 3-4 cm dilated for WEEKS now. By now, my headache has finally gone away. The OB says they can send me home, things look good. I know that I am starting to show warning signs of things not going right. I say, lets go with an induction. Almost 4 years later, and I still feel like this was the right choice, I just wish the events that followed would have been different.

Pitocin is started at 11am
Water broken at 1pm
Epidural got at 3pm, but only at 4cm and NOT because I wanted it *more on this later*
C/S pushed at 4pm

The first part of my laboring, I did fine. So long as I could labor in the tub. But suddenly, the nurses/OB are super worried about my BP. Wait a min, weren't you just a few hours ago, going to send me home? Nothing has changed except now, we are laboring. Baby's heartrate is awesome. Doesn't drop with contractions at all. Plus, he is at a 0 station! 2 hours after breaking my water, the nurses are pushing the epidural on me. Saying its better for the baby. They threw the "your baby needs this" card at me. What mother wouldn't do what she is being told is best for her baby? Against my better judgement, I get it. Now I get to start throwing up. Lovely. And I have had nothing to eat since 8pm the night before.

Women were not meant to labor on their backs. Had I been "allowed" to get up and move about, I am sure I would have faired better. I labor through the night. The nurse says I've made it to a 7! OB comes in at 9 and says I have made NO progress (I had gotten to a 5 before he left for the night) and that I "need" the c/s.

I bawled. I didn't want this. Surgery SCARES me. Thats right, I am terrified of someone cutting into me. For any reason. I will never have a boob job or tummy tuck because of this. An yet, I didn't beg and plead for more time, I said yes. I was tired, broke down, lost. I lost faith in myself (though honestly, not sure that I ever had it).

TO Be Continued........

Part 2

Part 3 

Unassisted Birth