While preparing for the birth of my third child, I started to think about the births of my older two. Sure, I've talked about contractions and positioning of baby, but the thing I have not talked about is the thing that impacted me the most. My c sections. The more I talk to people, the more I read, the more I realize that I have to make sure that I have worked through any hidden issues I have from the previous two births. I can honestly say that I feel like c/s #2 was in my best interest. But it might not have been needed had I not had c/s #1.
C/s #1 - the Birth of Jacob. This is the one that I've had to work through. My anger, the hurt, and the sadness. I have also had to come to the conclusion that my OB was not there for ME. He was there for him. I labored less than 24 hours, of those my water had been broken for less than 18 hours (24 is when they start to worry about infection). Its funny, my labor was started around 11 am. Before 5pm, the OB was pushing a c/s. I wasn't progressing fast enough. Before I continue on, I feel like I need to give some background that lead to my induction.
The Friday before I had my 39 week check up. Everything was ok, but my blood pressure was a little high. Sunday comes along and while sitting on the couch I experience blurry vision. Weirdest feeling ever. Go to bed around 11pm, only to wake at 1am with a killer headache. Pop two tylenol and back to bed I go. Wake again at 4am and my headache hasn't changed. I call labor and delivery to find out if I can take something else, I just want to sleep! They ask about my BP and if my vision has been blurry. I answer to the positive on both, and am told to come in. After waking Jesse up we get there about 6am. BP is still high, I still have this headache but no protein in my urine (this is good). Around 9am, one of the OBs from my drs office comes to check on me. Now, keep in mind, I have been 80% effaced and 3-4 cm dilated for WEEKS now. By now, my headache has finally gone away. The OB says they can send me home, things look good. I know that I am starting to show warning signs of things not going right. I say, lets go with an induction. Almost 4 years later, and I still feel like this was the right choice, I just wish the events that followed would have been different.
Pitocin is started at 11am
Water broken at 1pm
Epidural got at 3pm, but only at 4cm and NOT because I wanted it *more on this later*
C/S pushed at 4pm
The first part of my laboring, I did fine. So long as I could labor in the tub. But suddenly, the nurses/OB are super worried about my BP. Wait a min, weren't you just a few hours ago, going to send me home? Nothing has changed except now, we are laboring. Baby's heartrate is awesome. Doesn't drop with contractions at all. Plus, he is at a 0 station! 2 hours after breaking my water, the nurses are pushing the epidural on me. Saying its better for the baby. They threw the "your baby needs this" card at me. What mother wouldn't do what she is being told is best for her baby? Against my better judgement, I get it. Now I get to start throwing up. Lovely. And I have had nothing to eat since 8pm the night before.
Women were not meant to labor on their backs. Had I been "allowed" to get up and move about, I am sure I would have faired better. I labor through the night. The nurse says I've made it to a 7! OB comes in at 9 and says I have made NO progress (I had gotten to a 5 before he left for the night) and that I "need" the c/s.
I bawled. I didn't want this. Surgery SCARES me. Thats right, I am terrified of someone cutting into me. For any reason. I will never have a boob job or tummy tuck because of this. An yet, I didn't beg and plead for more time, I said yes. I was tired, broke down, lost. I lost faith in myself (though honestly, not sure that I ever had it).