Weightloss Goals

I was going to make this both about my goals and short comings but changed my mind. That will have to be its own post.

• Weigh ins will occur on Wednesdays
• Watch what I eat and do so by tracking on MFP (issyamerica)
• 10 min pilates ab workout; daily
• Wii Fit Plus and/or Smurfs dance
• GW1 - 179
• GW2 - 174
• GW3 - 169 *this is the one I would like to hit before Christmas
• GW4 - 164
• GW5 - 159
• GW6 - 154 *we will see how I feel when we hit this one

I think its important to know why I am doing this. I was heavy in high school. Heavy for me at least. When I get my printer hooked up I will upload a picture from my graduation. Ugh. And then I went to girl scout camp and with eating right and walking everywhere, I lost a bunch. But my self image still sucked. I couldn't see what others saw. That I was no longer the overweight, geeky girl trying not to be noticed. I want to put on a pair of pants and not have to worry about a muffin top. I want to ENJOY shopping for pants. Right now, I loath it. In a major way.

Maybe I ate too much because I was always told how skinny I was. Or I stopped loving myself and food would love me. Whatever it was, that is no longer me.

I will

I will resist temptation

I will teach my boys to eat healthy by example

I will take time for me and exercise

I will lose15 by Christmas

I will love ME and not food

Wii Love

I am in love with my Wii. Silly, I know.

First we bought an xbox 360 with kinect. Which I like. I enjoy playing and felt like I got a good workout in.

See, workouts and I do NOT get along. I hate them. No, I don't really believe that. Too many times being forced to do things I did not want to do has made me think that I hate them. But I don't, not really. I love to run. Have a hard time finding the time to do so with my husband's work schedule and the fact that 1) I don't like to wake up early and 2) it gets cold about the middle to end of September. So you either run when its really hot, or really cold. I love racquetball. But (you knew it was coming) I can't make it to a gym with two kids to play. And if I could ONLY take it as a class at the local college, I would. Believe me, I would. *note to self, look into that*

Which brings us to the purchase of the Wii. We returned the 360 and spent the money instead on a Wii. We've had it three days and I have used it 2 out of 3. Tonight I tried boxing. I would like to blame thank Jillian Michaels for this new found love. Its a great workout. Between step aerobics and boxing I got about 38 mins of exercise in. Wow. I feel good about that. Its more than I expected to do and it really was enjoyable.

Maybe tomorrow I will actually manage to get up before both boys and get my workout in, rather than having to wait until they are both asleep.

Exercise in Willpower

Haha! Willpower. Webster's dictionary describes this as "energetic determination". I'm determined. But I don't think in the way Webster's thinks.

I seem more determined to screw up rather than succeed. OMG! Yeah, click on that to get the recipe for this. Its in my oven right now. Sheesh.

15 by Christmas

My best friend over at Hide the Cupcakes has set out a challenge. Lose 15 pounds by Christmas. Seems like a daunting task. But there are what 8 weeks or something until Christmas? So what, 2 pounds a week? I can do that. Or at least, I think I can.

There was a point in my adult life when I was about a 5/6 or 7/8 and right around 145 pounds. I loved myself then! But it took a lot of hard work. I lived on the third floor of my dorm (which was the highest it went) and took the stairs unless I had laundry. I played racquetball 4 days a week. I ate healthier.

Speaking of eating, I know that I can not give up the foods I love. But instead I just need to develop some will power. Just because its in the house, does not mean I have to eat ALL of it. This has been a struggle for me my whole life. Isn't the first step acknowledging there is a problem? Well there is. I love food. Specifically if its something *I* have baked myself.

Things I will be doing to achieve this goal:

1. Tracking what I eat on My Fitness Pal (username is issyamerica), please feel free to comment on it and let me know when I am doing well or not so well. *
2. Use the Wii we just bought to either do Wii Fit Plus or (don't laugh) the Smurfs dance party
3. I will also do a 10 min pliates ab workout. This is more to tone up my core and get back the muscles that were cut from end to end.

*disclaimer - I am still nursing so can not truly diet. But its going to be the difference between eating good foods and yummy, creamy not so good for you foods.

Both pictures are pre-kids. First one is my 23rd birthday. I got pregnant and month later. The second one is from the summer of 2007 before I met Jesse. In both of these pictures I am probably around 155 or so. Realistically I don't expect to be where I was before kids. My hips are bigger as with other parts. But there is no reason that I need to carry around this extra weight. I want to look and FEEL sexy again. So, whats stopping you?

Technology is the killer of relationships

Or at least it can be.

Both my husband and I have smart phones. He has had a blackberry since Jan 2010, and I have had one since Jan 2011. These phones are not top of the line by any means. But they are pretty cool. Although I do still use mine mostly for calls and texting.

Since getting these phones I have noticed us growing more and more distant. When the Husband and I were first dating and then living together we didn't have smart phones. Or cable, or internet. We had what the antenna would give us and Netflix. And we had to hope that our Netflix list was in good order, otherwise, who knew what we would get. Jesse works 40+ hours at one job and then another 15-25 hours at another. So when he was coming home, he would just sit on the couch and sit on his phone. I was not much better. Assuming (making an ass out of u and me) that he was busy and didn't want to spend time with me, I would go sit on the computer. This eventually caused me more problems than just my relationship with my husband.

Over the weekend we had it out. I hate fighting in the first place. I was already stressed over other things and then fighting with my Husband did not make it any better. We got out all of our frustrations. I have been feeling like when he is home, he doesn't want to be around us. I have been slacking on my job. The computer and facebook ended up consuming my entire morning a few days back. It did nothing but cause me grief on many fronts.

So we have come to a compromise and I think it is harder on me than it is on him. I am a social person. I need people to talk to, to interact with. But when it comes down to it, I need quality people and not a quantity. My time needs to be spent raising my boys and cultivating the relationships that really matter to me and not just ones I feel desperate to keep. Our compromise is that when we are home together, we are together. No phones, no computer. We will not just sit in front of the tv with the kids. Now after they go to bed, we do sit and watch Mad Men on netflix. Yet even then, we do not have our phones out paying more attention to them than we are to each other.

Also, for various reasons, Jess has been sleeping on the couch. That has ended as well. We are trying to build up our intimacy again. After reading this post and this one from the blog To Love Honor and Vacuum, I realized that there are things *I* can change to make our relationship better. And that I have been doing things to hurt our marriage rather than help it.

So if you don't see me around much, this is why.

Hodge Podge

For the last three or four days I have sat down to write a blog post. And I get about halfway through and then stop. So here is what I have.

What do Penguins say?
The inquisitive mind of an almost 3 year old. And this one stumped me. Most of the time I can figure out something to say. But to answer, What do penguins say? I have no idea. So we googled it.

And you know what a penguin says? Exactly. Google doesn't either! At least as far as I could see. Well they squeak, but is that really a saying? A pig says "oink", a cow says "moo", a lion "ROARS". But a penguin?

Drinking in the corner
That is going to be me one of these days. I will also be the one sucking my thumb and rocking back and forth.

This is all about sleep. My pregnancy with Levi not only messed up my body, but it screwed up my older son's sleep pattern. I was tired. Not your run of the mill pregnancy tired, but like if I didn't nap then I got sick or dizzy. Also, for the first trimester, I worked. Jacob has always been a good sleeper. Before I went and got knocked up again, he was an 8-8 kind of kid.

Heaven is Beautiful

This is not going to be an easy post. You should know that now, so you can stop reading.

Early this morning, Heaven gained another beautiful angel. Why? We may never know. Someone I know who has offered me support and a listening ear when I needed it, gave birth to a beautiful little boy. He was so wonderful that God just couldn't part with him. This family now has their own very special angel in Heaven. This however does not make their loss any easier to bear (bare.. whatever).

I am selfish. More so than I wish I was. Jess and I tried to add another child to our family for several months. I pretty much had given up and was ok (not really) with just having one child. Then just a few days before Thanksgiving I pee'd on that magical stick and it came back with PREGNANT! I promised to wait and tell my parents on Thanksgiving day. Although I cheated and told my mom the next morning. I was over the moon excited! This was something we wanted and something we thought we had planned for.

Then my grandfather got sick. The day after Thanksgiving (anyone want to guess if Thanksgiving is going to be bittersweet this year?) he landed himself in the hospital. Ok.. he's elderly, these things happen. Just a few short days later he is so bad off, the family asked my mom to come down. She was told that she may not make it before he passes. 8 hours away and its the beginning of December. Mom gets there and Poppy is still hanging on. At this point Jess and I have decided that he would use his week of vacation (the same vacation he was saving to take off when the baby was born) and we all would fly down there. If not for a funeral (depressing) then at least to say our last good byes.

We flew down on a Sunday. Got to the hospital and spent three hours there. I held my Poppy's hand and told him that we were having another baby. It was just my mom, my Aunt, a cousin and myself at the hospital. My dad had taken Jess and the Big One back to my Poppy's house where we were going to be staying. 20 mins after my mom and I got back to the house, my Aunt called to let us know Poppy had passed. I was SO close to him. And even almost a year later, my heart still breaks at the loss. The funeral was held on Jacob's 2nd birthday.

I don't know if it was right after this that I started slipping into a depression or just a little bit later. My Poppy had just passed, it cost us a small fortune.

Give me that needy baby
Levi is needy. More so than Jacob. But I'll take it.

Why God? Why?
 
My faith is being tested right now. And nothing has happened directly to me.

With both of my boys, I sought out a group of other ladies across the country who are pregnant and due at the same time. I love getting the extra advice, the comforting ear, the shoulder to lean on. Just yesterday, one of the gals who also had her first when I had Jacob, gave birth to a beautiful little boy. Their first boy. God however, had other plans. He was born sleeping. I can't even begin to express how hard my heart aches for their family.

Now lets make it more heartbreaking. Early on in her pregnancy her husband got sick. Really sick. They found out he had a brain tumor and cancer. He then underwent brain surgery. As one can imagine, the road to recovery has been rough.

Snot-a-saurus

The big one is sick. Has been for a week. I feel for him. I really do. Today has been the worst of it so far. I got him up, had him go wake up Jess who was asleep on the couch. Gets daddy up and they are sitting there cuddling. Jacob starts to cough and then the next thing you know, he throws up. :(

Off to bath we whisk him. More snot is just pouring out. After a nice bath, he gets to hang out in there while we run the hot shower. Sucker out his nose since he is refusing to blow.

Unlike other parents, when my kid has a snotty green nose, a cough and is sneezing, we don't go anywhere. Pretty sure he picked this lovely bug up a week ago when a friend and I took the kids to the McDonald's play place. Which is a germ factory anyway, but we usually do okay. Not this time. Jacob was not the only one to get sick. Levi has had it too. However, thanks to breastfeeding him, its not been too bad.

Back to the other parents. When your kid has a fever, a green runny nose, a cough or sneezing (unless you are 110% sure the sneezing and a clear runny nose are allergies) keep them HOME! I do not need my kid sharing the germs with myself or my new baby. We can not afford for Jesse to be sick. And you never know if you are going to inadvertently infect a child that has a weakened immune system.

So please just do us all a favor and keep your kids home. I know its boring, and you don't get your planned coffee date. But thanks to YOUR carelessness, neither do I!